Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
