omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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