They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
