Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
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