Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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