i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
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