Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Randomize
