i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Houston, we have a squirter
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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