I'm eating all of the evidence.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Randomize
