What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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