Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Randomize
