Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
