I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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