Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
