Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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