you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
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