I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Randomize
