he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
