Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
