omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
