I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
