I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
