i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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