Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
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