Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
i think my cat just said my name.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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