Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
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