just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
