I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Randomize
