If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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