After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
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