My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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