I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
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how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
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That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
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