ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
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