I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
home. puking in laundry basket.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
