Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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