8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
You don't make any sense
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