Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
