the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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