Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
