There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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