If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Randomize
