I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
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