Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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