You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
