there was a trapeze. enough said
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
