Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
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If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
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