It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
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You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
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My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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