Swine flu. Run for my life!
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
