My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
