so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
