nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
