Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
