Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Randomize
