One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
