There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
