Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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