Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Randomize
