Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize
