At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
