cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize
