i just wanna soil my oats bro
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
