i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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