i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
