why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
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