I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
