Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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