You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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