if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Randomize