It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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