i was born a porn star she said
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
