These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
